UBL method:
Hire
a lion. give him hell a lot of work and pay him government
salary.Restructure his job, position, boss, collegues, designation,
location every 6 months. Remove all lions above 40 from the
organisation or rename them "
Goats ". If he kills 2 goats a day,
give him target of killing 20 elephants a day, when there are just 10
elephants in the jungle. Lion dies of exhaustion, overkill and
restructuring.
HSBC method:
Hire
a lion and ask him to meow like a cat . Give him lots of ESOPs and
grass to eat. He will die eventually of hope and starvation.
Citi method:
Hire
the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score
60% he will lose the job. Ask him to extract 60 kg meat out of a 40 kg
goat. lion dies of the strain?
ABN AMRO method:
Hire
the lion. Give him high impossible targets and expect a premature
delivery of these targets. If the targets are delivered, clap for him
in a townhall and if not delivered humiliate him regularly. Lion either
dies of excitement or starts behaving like Tom hanks in Terminal.
MCB method:
Hire
a lion, give him a salary of a cat...Show him suspense thriller
"Reverse merger of your Jungle - Part III" the lion dies before
joining....
StanChart method:
Hire
a lion, motivate him to outshine other lions in the jungle.Load him
with impractical targets and if he finds the prey ensure jackals in the
jungle snatch the prey and credit lion dies in oblivion......
NIB method :
Hire
a lion, load him with targets to focus on value instead of volume.Every
quarter change the style and make his life miserable. If he survives in
the system reward him with a hefty bonus else if he leaves profit of
the bank improves along with EPS?
HBL Method:
Hire a lion and make him wonder, why he is hired.